Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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