why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
