I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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