Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
