Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
