Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i believe in u and ur pee
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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