I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Vodka?
Forever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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