This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
