It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize