i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
