So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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