Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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