Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
