I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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