I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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