Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
