At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
