rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
