he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
