Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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