i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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