she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
