Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
