I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
