its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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