No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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