I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
