those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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