I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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