after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
