It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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