The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
