ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
did i walk over a car last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
