I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
