ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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