that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
