everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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