i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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