He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
