im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize