I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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