Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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