Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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