I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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