and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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