I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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