I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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