so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
