this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
