i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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