Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
