Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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