ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
do herpes really smell.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
