The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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