I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
