Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
