he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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