Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize